Some people believe in not addressing controversy. They believe that by
addressing it they give credence and/or power to those who are involved
in the controversy. I tend to believe the opposite. I believe in
standing up for yourself. I believe in truth.
Some of you may or may not know about the controversy that I had
the "pleasure" of dealing with this week. I received an email on
Tuesday that confused me. It was an email of apology from a certain
person. An email of apology that I had no idea what the heck they were
apologizing for. I guess they assumed I knew. I guess they thought that
I kept up with the scrapbook gossip blog and had already found out. But
I hadn't. In fact, I haven't looked at that blog since announcing that
I was pregnant because I knew there would be unnecessary gossip and
untruths that I didn't feel like dealing with. Well, needless to say,
after I got the email, I did a bit of research and of course, came
across the reason for the apology. The reason being that someone had
posted a "secret" thread from the private fashionista board about my
pregnancy - a thread that questioned my stability, my sanity, and my
ability to parent.
I believe that it is important to be honest. I believe that it is
important to state that this thread disgusted me. I was part of this
site for a good year plus. I supported it both as an active member and
as a frequent shopper. I made what I believed were "friends" there;
however, the rose colored glasses came off quickly around June of the
past year. I have not been an active part of the site since around that
time (I am not a dates person so don't hold me to it) and I have made
it known that I was disgusted with some of the practices. I believe now
1000% that I made the right decision to leave that site. I only feel
bad for the people who are still members and still support it and who
believe that the "lub" and acceptance that is touted is actually
practiced by the leader of the site and the "elite" members. Anyone who
has been a member of that site knows that if anything negative is
posted on the general board it is automatically deleted; however, this
thread was obviously allowed to be posted and continued for quite some
time. I sent an email to the site asking for my entire profile to be
removed from the site because I do not want to be associated with a
site that promotes these double standards and the gossip. I also sent
an email to the founder stating things very similar to what I have
stated here and suggesting that she use this as a wake up call as the
founder that if she wants respect and "lub" to be the basis for all
things at her site, maybe she should look from within before demanding
it from without.
I feel it is important to address that I am really not "hurt" by
these things that were said. If I thought there wasn't going to be
gossip when I announced I was pregnant, I would be living in a
different world. I may share a lot about my life, but there is so much
that no one except those closest to me know because frankly, it's none
of their business. If I thought that posting the details of my
pregnancy would make people back off, I'd be crazy because someone
somewhere will always have something to say no matter what.
I have not addressed the issues with the individual people that
said what they said. I don't find it necessary. People have their
issues. People are going to say what they want to say. And people are
going to try and cover up for these "mistakes" as some have said they
were, but in the end, it really does not matter to me. I know who I am.
That is what is important to me.
I have learned so much in the past year. More than I could possibly
get into. I have learned so much about myself, about the world, about
people, about relationships, about friendships, about love, about life.
I have learned and continue to learn every day in order to be the best
person I can possibly be and the best mother to my daughter.
My priority right now is myself and my daughter. My priority is
keeping us both happy and healthy. I am officially less than 10 weeks
away from my due date and I am concentrating on staying stress-free and
preparing for my daughter's arrival. I know I will be an amazing mother
to my daughter. The people who know me know I will be an amazing mother
to my daughter. Am I scared, nervous? Yes, of course. I am a first-time
mother. I don't know any who are not scared and nervous and a mix of a
billion other emotions. There is so much that I don't know that I will
learn every day, but I am prepared for it. I am prepared to make
mistakes and learn from them. I am prepared to learn from my daughter
and teach her.
I have so much love and thanks to extend to those who are true
friends, to those who may or may not know me well who accept me from
who I am and love me for that. I am so incredibly lucky to have an
amazing, supportive group of friends and family.
This is the last I'm going to say on this. Or acknowledge this. Or discuss this. My hope is that this will open some people's eyes to what really goes on "behind the scenes." I know this post wont be popular with some people and I am prepared for that. Say what you need to say. Because like I said, I know who I am and what I am. and that's all.
